The purest, most unadulterated forms of our humanity are on full display in children. Through them, we can see the beautiful and not-so-beautiful aspects of us. How bright-eyed and curious they can be, how forgiving and kind. But then, they can show mean sides that you wonder how they know to do that.
Have you ever seen a toddler quietly playing with a toy, seemingly at peace and then another toddler is given a different toy and all of a sudden she now wants that particular toy? They only want the toy because the other toddler now has it.
I recently learnt about mimetic desire which explains this natural tendency in humans, and I’m here to pass it along.
Mimetic desire was developed by the French philosopher and anthropologist René Girard. It refers to the idea that human desires and behaviours are often shaped by imitating the desires and behaviours of others, rather than by their own innate or original desires.
He is essentially saying that humans are inherently wired to imitate and desire what others desire. This according to Girard leads to conflict and rivalry, which we know to be true, as seen in toddlers fighting over toys or adults consumed with jealousy, competitiveness and power struggles.
While these are natural tendencies; we can see them at play even in “innocent” toddlers, it’s great to be aware of it and try to use it as a filter when next we find ourselves getting restless. For when we start “craving” that next thing.
We are all social beings and crave acceptance which is alright to some extent but it becomes problematic when it becomes a source of discontent and frustration. When our lives no longer seem ok unless we do XYZ or own XYZ.
Here are ways we could manage this desire;
Self-awareness: Developing an awareness of your desires and motivations. Question the things you want; life, career, cars etc. Do you want it, because you want it or because someone else has it?
Embrace your individuality and authenticity: Knowing what sets you apart, your values, goals and embracing these helps one reduce the need to clone oneself after others while in search of their identity.
Expand your perspective and worldview: Exposing yourself to varied and diverse perspectives, cultures, and mindsets will help broaden your understanding and place in the world and reduce the likelihood of boxing yourself into one definition of yourself and the need to imitate the people in that limited world.
Empathy and understanding: Helps you understand what drives others to live the life they live and why they desire the things they do. Understanding this will help prevent one from just competing or trying to be like these people without understanding what drives them and if it's the same as your values.
Good old confidence and intrinsic motivations: being internally motivated and confident in yourself and your abilities will also help other people's lives from yanking your chains.
On a lighter note, this copycat desire thing happens to me every time I’m in a restaurant. I have serious food envy. I will order something but once I see what the people at the next table are having, I start regretting what I ordered.
I guess we all have to figure out ways to tame this “beast”
Keep going,
Ije
Loud it!
Good write up, Ije! Really makes sense. One way I control my copycat syndrome is to “cut my coat according to my size”.