Today I’m here with questions that I need help with answering.
It’s this; at what point is it ok to give up on something? When do you move ahead to other dreams? Or is it never ever ok to give up?
My daughter has a glow lamp in her room that says “magic happens when you never give up”.
A few days ago, I had a meeting to attend. I had looked forward to this meeting for a few days. As I was planning to set out it started raining, very heavy rain. I had planned not to drive as I wasn’t sure of parking.
When I was all set, I started trying to get an Uber; Uber and bolt in fact. They kept cancelling for different reasons; they didn’t want to go to my destination, they didn’t want to come to where I live, it’s raining, some didn’t pick up their phones. In the space of about 30 minutes, I had cancelled about 15 rides.
For the next 5 or so times, I kept being linked to some driver that seemed to be parked somewhere, his car wasn’t moving and he wasn't his picking his phone either. I would cancel and order again and still be the same guy. After I broke the jinx of that guy the next 2 cancelled too.
Meanwhile, the person I was meeting with said maybe we should move the meeting to the next day but I didn’t want to hear it, I had planned my day and I needed to get that meeting out of the way.
By the time, I was booking the maybe 21st ride I was asking myself if I’m just being stubborn. Why couldn’t I just leave it? It’s raining heavily and these guys seem to be pillars of salt that will dissolve in the rain. I told myself I would try till about 12noon.
21 was my lucky number, the guy had no stress coming to me, he didn’t even ask me where I’m going when I called him like all the others did, he even drove almost right up to my doorstep so that I wasn't in the rain for too long. I was so shocked that as soon as I got into the car I quickly declared my destination expecting him to change his mind but all he said was ok. Phew!
When I got there my friend said “you are stubborn sha.”
I wasn't sure what I was I just knew that I needed to have that meeting. Maybe I would really have given up if I had tried till 12.
I was asking myself similar questions; ie when is it ok to give up, after I watched Taraji’ P Henson’s movie Acrimony, where she met a guy who had this dream to build a revolutionary battery technology. She got married to him but he just wasn't getting any breakthrough with his dream.
She had to fend for them while he spent years tinkering on his innovation. It made her resentful. In the end, after so many years he got a break. But this was after they had broken up. She went crazy because he was now super-rich and dating another woman, who was living her dream life.
The movie was about a woman scorned but I remember being frustrated watching it, I kept asking when was it ok for him to give up on this particular dream? Couldn’t he see he was destroying the life he had for an illusion?
But according to the movie and my daughter’s paper lamp magic does happen when we never give but really????
We sometimes pursue our dreams with blind faith and passion to the detriment of everyone around us. We alienate close friends and family and to what end?
At what point should we stop giving life to a dream that isn't materializing? We are told to never give up. Is there anything else you can do while you wait for your dream to come through?
Should we like me, set a time limit after which we call it quits? But what informs the time limit we set.
You have probably seen this photo or a version of it before. Giving up is really hard because you never know if that one extra push will make the difference.
How do we not feel regret after we have given up and another person succeeds with the same idea?
Can we get to the “diamond” through another route?
Is there more to success than persistence?
Is there a place for luck or grace? I'm on the yes to luck boat.
But can we create our own luck?
So you see, these are questions I have no definite answers for and would love to mine your brains and experiences in order to answer them.
Just so I’m clear, I’m not saying it’s ok to just throw in the towel easily. All success after all has come from persistence but not necessarily all persistence leads to success.
Can we create whys for our pursuits?
Can these whys be to the benefit of other people?
Can we create options for ourselves like plans A, B or C?
Can we ask ourselves if we have all the necessary knowledge, skills, resources and network to pursue these dreams?
See I told you lots of questions today.
Can you help me with the answers?
One last thing before I go, I’m thinking maybe we get caught you in pursuing a particular goal because we are being prescriptive about the things we want to achieve. For example, someone that wants to make people feel better and decides that the only way to do that is by being a doctor, tries several times to get into med school, fails and becomes frustrated not remembering that there are several other ways to make people feel better.
I believe this is called pivoting.
Keep going,
Ije.
PS: My signoff seems to be mocking me today. But we do need to keep going but in the direction of our broader life goals.
Dare I say this is my reality of late.
Yes to working hard and perseverance in the things we belive and our dreams. For me the point at which you begin to loose yourself for a purpose is enough time to stop/quit as the case maybe.
At a point where you know you are able to forgo that dream and live without regrets even if the dreams were to materialize the next minute after you quit. At which point there is no more perspective and what is a dream or goal without a perspective?