Hey Zs!,
I have another uber experience tale, (last one). The other day, I was feeling ill and had to use an Uber to take my kids to school. My Uber driver was fascinating in that he was so blind to the signals other cars were giving. It was like his driving nerve endings were dead.
A car in front of him could be trafficating (is this the right word for when you are signalling that you are changing direction? Autocorrect keeps changing it to trafficking. Annoying!), you would expect a driver that is perceptive to trafficator light and its implication, to either slow down and not keep following or change lanes if he had the opportunity. But the guy was just following the car in front like he was mesmerised, then when the car was right at the point of turning, he is sooooooo close to it that he had to basically halt.
This not reading signals from other cars continued from when he picked us up till when he dropped me back at home. Since cars can’t speak, the brake and the trafficator lights, the honking are all signs that other drivers through their cars communicate with their fellow drivers right?.
Accidents happen either when people like my guy aren’t listening, seeing or hearing these signals from other cars & perhaps their environment ie traffic lights, or when some drivers don’t give any signals at all and expect other drivers to magically guess what their next moves will be.
Sitting there shivering and too ill to tell the guy not to kill me, I was thinking hmm… the driving experience isn’t too different from how we communicate especially in relationships.
The same way my Uber driver was unable to read signals other drivers were using to communicate with him, is the same way that we go through life deaf, blind and numb to the signals of others. We totally miss the cues other people are giving us.
We don’t listen to each other. Even when we listen, we are only listening to what is coming out of the person’s mouth, when it is well documented that a whopping 93% of all communication is non-verbal. So it means that the bulk of our communication is from signals we give off in the form of facial expressions, body language, tone of voice etc.
We are not emotionally intelligent enough to read between the lines. To know when someone is mouthing yes for instance but everything else is saying no. My driver for example must have seen the blinkers aka what the car was mouthing, but he wasn’t reading meaning into it.
The different types of drivers on the road can also be related to how we communicate in real-life situations;
The aggressive, angry &shouting drivers. The ones that are constantly honking and cussing at everyone. They are very quick to get angry. Ready to fight at the slightest provocation. These can be equated with people that use their anger as a weapon. They huff and puff and all focus goes to their anger distracting from the situation that needs to be resolved.
The Passive-aggressive drivers won’t get out of your way. They can use their cars to block the road and refuse to get out or talk to anyone. They are the ones who won’t express themselves or say how they feel in relationships. But rather show you they are upset by being difficult. The “push stuff under” the carpet and hope it magically disappears type people.
The speeders would be at racecourse speed even in residential areas. They always want to say what they need to say, don’t care if anyone else gets a word in, don’t care to listen to anyone and couldn’t be bothered about how their words affect others.
The weavers oh my! These ones are constantly changing lanes. They feel they are the smartest alecs. They in real life are very slimy. They never own up to stuff or accept responsibility. They are potentially the kings and queens of gaslighting.
The defensive drivers are the best kind of drivers and to be honest, they are aspirational because the roads in these parts will test even the most patient person. These drivers are cautious, able to see and interpret signals correctly. They are on the lookout for all the crazy drivers and stay out of their way. In life, these are equivalent to people with very high emotional intelligence. They are great with people because they can be empathetic, can listen to both what is said and unsaid and can handle themselves in emotionally charged situations.
Funny how the mind wonders huh! All this because a poor dude couldn’t drive. Everything is interconnected you see. We can make sense and draw analogies from anything. Everything is a potential teacher if we are ready to learn.
So tell me, how did I do with drawing out these analogies. Do you know of any other driver personas that I might have missed?
Keep going,
Ije.
PS: Zs is short for Zigzaggers. Looking for a cool name for all you cool people. Do you like?
Blinders On.
Thanks Ije. As always a great read. At the end we are all drivers. But what makes a driver? Is the defensive driver born with his peculiar "driving etiquette"? Or do we learn these habits overtime? Nature vs. nurture? What drives the driver?
Very well articulated.... i can relate with the defensive drivers; they drive for themselves & others.... this helps avoid all them crazy drivers esp.on lagos roads... Nice Ijay, keep it going !!!